Recently I held space for a woman’s transformation with the help of psilocybin. We met three times. First to prepare her, enter into prayer and set intentions. Then the day of ceremony where I was an angeling, present witness to her unfolding layers. And a follow up integration session to help her make new choices and formulate a day to day plan to bring the medicine alive in “real” life.
For over an hour in the ceremony her body shook. The medicine was moving into the frozen places within her nervous system and rocking her free from the grips of old wounds. She had come to a point in her life where the day to day tools that could keep her head above water had worn out and she was suffering inside. However, she knew she wasn’t her suffering. I sense most of us know we are not all the suffering in our lives, which is why, even in the most trying circumstances, we keep going. There is an incorruptible love song for life that cannot be completely silenced. Even in death that song is alive, yet shifting and aligning to its evolution and resurrection to make more music.
As my client came down “the other side of the mountain” and found her stillness again, I could feel the Earth under us had shifted. She shared that for the first time in her life, and what she was gravely missing, was her deep connection to Mama Gaia. She wept for gratitude for my presence, revealing that she is aware of the strength of my soul to be able to tend such spaces without waiver, and only with the upmost respect, compassion and love.
Her life has changed. The core of her separation wounds revealed and her birthright to be fully nurtured in her life restored- well beginning to be restored. The medicine she received will fully reveal itself within the mundane moments of her life when she is confronted with the day to day navigation of mind-heart. That love that she touched will be more bio available for the nervous system. This is how we change the story from a life of suffering to the innate love story ready to be told under the layers of false perception.
In healing these deep layers, it is not the big huge revelation all at once that typically heals, but it plants the seed. It is the moment in the day where she will make one little different choice towards self love that dominoes into the next. This is the blossoming. Every petal tenderly unfolds in perfection. No forcing. Every flower is needed in the garden of Life and every flower has its ripe and ready time to bring more color to the palette of paradise.
I could say I have a selfish motive in this. I know I live in a garden, in paradise. I know that when one of my brothers and sisters blossoms I have more access to the perfume that opens the heart. When one heals we all heal. The medicine becomes more accessible. The other motive is that I get to be in direct contact with Earth mama medicine and deliver true abundant Source nourishment to starving souls. I came here to be with Her, to be supported and loved and sustained by that which called my life into service at this time, and many times before. And so did everyone else.
There is a saying- “the medicine is always with you”. Through out my medicine journeys for the last decade I have been stopped in my tracks at some random (never random) moment with a full body memory of one of my initiations and healings. Sometimes these moments are years later because that is how long it can take for true restoration and readiness of these really grippy drippy wounds to heal. Never have I felt so held in those moments. Never have I understood time in a new, nonlinear way, my vast soul and courtship with the wisdom of death- than in those moments. Because those moments contain not only a healing that comes unfurling from the depths of my heart but because they also contain an unnameable essence that connects me to something large, loving and timeless- and I FEEL it.
I no longer deny the feelings because I know the intelligence of my intuitive wisdom lives in my emotional body, my feminine body, my feeling body. And plant medicines, prayer and walking a path that aligns to that intelligence have freed up the frozen bits to heal and reveal their Goddess given gifts.
The medicines of the Earth ally the healer within to remember that the medicine every soul needs for its greatest expression is inside each of us. They are not drugs. (More on that from the Port Townsend Psychedelic Society). Psilocybin in particular connects the body to the memory of all things of this Earth and Her contracts with humanity to live in perfect reciprocity, abundance and continual evolution in making more love. These fungal allies are part of a vast mycelial network that communicate life codes, and thus companion our mind to communicate more clearly with our hearts and our souls- already attuned to these life codes. They help rewire what was corrupted and confused.
Psilocybin is considered what we plant folk call a “master plant”. Although it is a fungus it falls into the category of the Earth medicines that move big mountains and require dedicated practitionering, initiation and experience in order to ally another on a psychedelic healing journey. They require right relationship and permission from the innate intelligence that birthed us all. Because permission was granted at birth for each one of us to fulfill our unique soul path- in alignment with Life. Yet, often they also require permission from the indigenous peoples who held these medicines on their altar for many generations.
These particular plant medicines are master teachers, meaning they contain a Universal blueprint that tells the story of all Life. Each individual creation story, meaning each soul’s purpose, is encoded within these master story tellers.
Plant medicines, particularly Ayahuasca and Psilocybin have saved my life and guided my path. And, as a folk herbalist for many years, I know that one of the reasons I am still upright and continuing to blossom (slowly) is that I have been supported by my dedicated relationship with herbal medicine, natural foods and commitment to stewarding my life by a deeper Universal rhythm connected to sustainability, regeneration and true nourishment.
I have had 100s of experiences of watching my neurobiology repattern itself and emerge with a greater sense of connection to love within myself. I have healed severe addiction and life threatening trauma through my dedication to the medicine path.
What I caution is the impulse to run out and try these medicines with the “little blue pill” mentality. The healing mostly comes from the integration of the journey (read my integration page). It can be cruel to yourself and desacralizing of these medicines to not be ready in heart and mind to make changes. I ask every client “are you really ready for your life to change?”. This question begets the conversation around true desire, authentic abundance and alignment with virtues -for another time.
And- the caveat to the above statement is that I would rather have some messy medicine work than have none at all. Plants get in and expand their wisdom regardless. Because plants heal. Prayers are answered. You are the medicine. You are Love.
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