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Breathwork Healing~ The Original Medicine

Blog, Digestion, For the Guys, Human Spirit

For the past few years I have been weaving breath awareness into my sessions; many of you have experienced this. With some of you, we have gone into some deeper, more intentional breath patterns to help open up the body, unravel the thoughts of the overworked mind and release trapped and stagnant emotion. If you have experienced these deeper levels of release I am grateful for your trust of self and your trust in the space I hold for your healing.

In seeing these deeper releases I heard a call to better understand breath work in my own personal healing journey. I recently returned from a 10 day immersion into studying the effects of breath on the pain body and negative thought forms that are associated with our pain. Each day I dove into the most dark and uncomfortable corners in my body and mind. And each day I opened up to the trust of my breath and watched my body reveal some very old patterns that were holding my vitality hostage. I witnessed the same in those around me as I have in one on one client care.

The breath became a crystalline lens that allowed my intuition to “see” where stagnation, contraction and trauma was in the body of the person I was in healing relationship with. The hands on belly, womb and body work was then so much more profound as layers of guarding and disassociation had loosened.

Intentional/active breath work techniques are so healing because they are a catalyst to trust; trust of self and trust of the Universal flow and one-ness that we are all a part of. Breath awakens the body back to awareness of itself and helps connect the dots of unserving thought forms in relationship to contraction and dis-ease in the body. When this healing begins to wind in and we feel ourselves- our true selves- again, it is inevitable that we meet our heart; love always wins.

Your breath is yours and also the molecules that touch every other energy on this planet and beyond. How you breath and allow the trust in Universal life to flow is how your entire life flows. It is the most telling and intimate relationship you will ever have. Its gift is life and life wants nothing more than balance, healing and love. You have all of this already inside of you- you are your own healing force.

As we unlock our own ability to heal we need witness, we need teachers, we need support. We are meant to be in one-ness. We are a part of whole and to have someone stand by our side as we uncover our heart and soul strengthens our ability to trust and let go. I am here to be witness. I am here to teach you how to carry this into your own life. I am also here if you are ever interested in my story as I believe that when we can tell our stories from a place of healing we can uplift others to shine light on theirs and let go.

This work is not easy as true healing will bring our fears to the surface. Your body may release in ways you have not experienced before and you may have emotions you have buried rise up. But, on the other side is a life of more freedom and insight as you unlock your original medicine and allow your true light to shine. PLEASE REACH OUT WITH QUESTIONS. 🙂

SESSIONS CAN BE DONE VIA SKYPE AND ARE VERY POWERFUL IN THE SPACE OF YOUR OWN HOME

“F” is for Female~Fear~Fertility~Failure

Blog, Herbal Wisdom, Hormone Health, Human Spirit

For most of my 30s I would wake in the morning with this underlying anxiety that would hit me with a subtle waive of nausea. The thoughts that accompanied this feeling would all be centered around this theme of “running out of time to prove my feminine worthiness”. In my mind I was racing against time, I was racing against myself and I also felt as though as I was racing against other women- which is a perpetuating factor, I believe, in our current imbalances. Above all, I felt alone. When we don’t connect and learn from one another we also perpetuate a shame around our bodies not working, not being loved, not loving ourselves and so on. This separation just compounds the feelings of unworthiness and embarrassment at being (insert age here) without a man and a baby- a perfect picture of balanced family-career-love.

Giving ED a Rubdown

Blog, Digestion, Disordered Eating, Hormone Health, Human Spirit

The article below I wrote about 4 years ago for a class I was taking. It is NOT about what you think it is but I am sure I will generate extra curiosity and traffic from the title. And, I am open to discussing what you think it is about as I do hold space for sexual and sensual healing, but that is for another time…

It was a vulnerable moment a few years back as I started to share with others about my story. So vulnerable that it never made it to my blog page at the time. I am quite open now about my journey through trauma and the manifestation of my eating disorder but am also cautious that I do not share from a desperate emotional place (which my mind can slip into- I am sure I am alone in this ;)). I hold this belief that I can only really share my healing gifts and my journey once I am “healed” and see the other side of this affliction- addiction. This belief is damaging and dimming of my light. This belief tells me that I am “not worthy or good enough” now. This belief prevents me from putting my original medicine and service into the world and from sharing a lot of my story. And I know first hand that stories when shared in the right context do heal.

Maybe another one of the main reasons I did not publish the brief article is that I was unsure I wanted to directly work with others who suffer with ED. I already naturally attract many women AND men who struggle with this anyhow but I did not want to open the gates. I wanted to really understand my own process in healing and give myself enough space to see it for what it is before inviting it into my life through my work. The article is very “uncharged” emotionally and not even that personal- which is quite unlike me. It is informative and true and brief. But to claim that the Maya Abdominal and Clinical Visceral work I do could help someone’s recovery process from an eating disorder felt forced and unstable until I knew, I felt and lived the truth of the work I put into the world. Someone the other day quoted “there is no complete psychology without body work”. The body is a record keeper of our lives and therefore an amazing ally in recovery from trauma and addictions when it is approached in a therapeutic way.

My truth is the same as when I wrote the article about the healing effects of touch on eating disorders, but I know it on a cellular level now. I am full of gratitude that the Maya Abdominal work called me into service. And the more I dive under my own stories the more I realize why I am called to the many facets of work I do with others. I know that I will always be diving deeper into myself but I don’t have to reach some mountain peak of light and perfect love in order to heal others. In fact, the compassion, intuition and healing gifts I carry come from walking through the fire and the storms.

I practice the return to my body each day. This is not easy as I have spent most of my life outside of my body. I place my hands on my womb and my belly and thank the guides that led me down this path. I come home to myself and I still have to give “ED a rubdown” from time to time to bring myself back into a relationship based in compassion instead of trauma.

Giving ED a Rubdown (written in 2012)

Everything we believe about ourselves, our emotions and the majority of our physiological functions comes from our core center. This is why maintaining healthy belly (gut) function is critical to overall wellbeing. Unfortunately, the belly is susceptible to so much damage from physical and emotional trauma. Some of these traumas have an obvious cause and effect relationship while others are so intertwined in the mind-body-spirit connection that most allopathic doctors unfortunately misguide, or simply miss, as they are not trained to address the body as a whole. This holds especially true with the damage that is caused from Eating Disorders (ED), of any type, especially Bulimia Nervosa (BN) and Binge Eating (BE).

Briefly, both BN and BE are characterized by dissociative episodes of excessive (binge) eating to the point of stomach dissention, dizziness and illness. BN is different in that the binge is followed by a purge of induced vomiting, laxative abuse and excessive exercise which put an enormous amount of stress and pressure on various parts of the belly. The side effects of both, and all forms of ED, are numerous and life threatening:

Digestive impairment
Esophageal tearing, burning and impairment
Peristalsis impairment
Autoimmune disorders due to leaky gut
Severe hormone and chemical imbalances
Malabsorption of nutrients
Intestinal blockages
Chronic constipation
Emotional blockages
SIBO- this is a new discovery for me and a journey I have much knowledge around (new addition to article)
Chronic Pain (new addition)

The abdomen holds most of our vital organs and, according to TCM (Traditional Chinese Medicine), each organ corresponds to a different emotion and energy channel. When we are shut down or damaged in one area the other organs can become stagnant and blocked.

Intervention and therapy are critical but unfortunately the integrative function of the body and the modalities that can begin to repair the deep physical and emotional trauma on a physiological level are missed. This is where the application of the healing effects of Maya Abdominal Massage, and other abdominal massage techniques, can begin to repair the body from the inside out.

~Maya abdominal massage techniques have been used for centuries to address dysfunction and imbalance in the pelvic bowl and belly. Maya abdominal massage therapies are founded on ancient Mayan healing techniques using external, noninvasive manipulation that repositions internal organs that have shifted, thereby restricting the flow of blood, lymph, nerve and chi. These techniques address position and health of the pelvic and abdominal organs. The work is best known for the correction of the prolapsed, fallen, or tilted uterus and for the prevention and treatment of benign prostate enlargement in men, and for relief of many common digestive disorders.~

This modality is incredible, intuitive, spiritual and nurturing. And, even more it addresses and heals a whole resume of symptoms that can correct some very emotional and debilitating conditions in women and men. Traditionally the issues targeted have been around fertility and digestive function with emotional clearing being a positive byproduct of this work. Now, however, a few Maya abdominal practitioners are working in the realm of eating disorder treatment and the positive outcomes have had a dramatically positive impact on the recovery process of the individual. The most interesting to me is the re-establishment of the natural serotonin process.

Serotonin is mainly produced in our gut. When our gut is damaged, or leaky, we are not able to produce the serotonin we need for proper mood support and digestion. Then, doctors prescribe serotonin reuptake drugs that pull any serotonin from the gut into the brain to stay there. Now, we have a condition where the body’s natural negative feedback process, or homeostasis, is broken and the gut is further impaired because it needs all that serotonin to function and on and on…

Individuals with eating disorders typically all have digestive dysfunction and depressed serotonin levels (notice I did not say depression). As the whole gut is slowly restored through gentle manipulation techniques like Maya abdominal massage, blockages and adhesions will release and the body will kick start itself back into a regular negative feedback cycle. Of course there are many layers and factors involved in this process. But as the energy flow between all of the organs is repaired and emotions are released, the individual will, hopefully, start to feel whole enough to tackle some of the deeper layers of recovery.

In my many years of research and self-discovery with such a debilitating and misunderstood disease I know that repair of the physiological body is a major catalyst to recovery. And, being able to bring somebody back to their internal light through hands on care is beautiful, emotionally healing and synergistic with our body’s natural state of balance.

“Learn to Listen to Your Gut”

Don’t Fight Your Fibroids

Blog, Case Studies, Hormone Health, Human Spirit

Let me begin with a story…

I met my client Susie (fake name) a few months ago to address her fibroids. She is a grounded woman who does her inner work and has a rich relationship with spirit. She had thrown almost every natural intervention she knew of at her condition but was still feeling like she was missing a connection in how to address her healing. Her symptoms were not as severe as some but energetically she felt blocked and distracted by the presence of these benign growths. And, yes, there was some pain and discomfort. Above all, she did not want surgery.

When Your Angels Break Your Leg

Blog, Human Spirit, Hypothalamic Amenorrhea

We are all guided every moment of every day-

Whispers from spirit that contain the answers to our prayers….

… but we cannot hear

as fear has bound our programmed ear.

Then one day your angels look down and say- “we need her gifts, her light and her love”

but she moves too fast to even notice her guiding star trailing above

Well, we will do what must be done and we will break her leg so she can no longer run

Stay in your sweet body dear one

as your magic and your work that is needed in this world has just begun.

I just came through a major surgery. A left hip replacement to be exact. Many of you reading this who know me may be shocked. But those of you who know me on deeper levels also know that this surgery is about more than just an OA (Osteo Arthritis) diagnosis. This surgery is a milestone in my interpersonal healing journey. It represents thought forms, beliefs and ways of living that do not serve my path in this life any longer. I knew this day was coming. Well, I did not foresee the hip deterioration but deep down I knew that the next layer of letting go of my demons, of facing my fears around love and stepping into my gifts was going to be through some physical manifestation in my body.

To be honest, I feel very blessed to be given this lesson in healing. To be given this gift at a new way to walk, to dance, to honor and love my sweet self and the miracles this amazing body I was given can perform. It loves, it creates, it follows the moon, it sings… But, the single most miraculous thing I have found the human body to do is to be a guide pointing us in the direction of optimal vitality physically, emotionally and spiritually.

We are all blessed with pure guidance each and every moment of each and every day, but do we have the strength of will to listen to the guidance- to call our spirit back when it bolts due to fear’s many frightening faces? I talk often about the miraculous mechanism of the body’s ability to self-regulate, adapt to our constant demands and to protect itself. Everything the body does is truly out of love if we can begin to see the signals as such and decipher them in a way that promotes healing.

What do I mean by guidance?

In her book Spiritual Madness, Carolyn Myss talks about the guidance we receive every moment of every day as the subtle voices that help us guide our will and maintain our center. But the majority of us want guidance as something that comes through sea splitting, lightning bolt visions. The simple guidance is “too hard”. You know, the inner voice that knows exactly how to nourish, rest and take care of your body. The voice that says “you know if you did xyz you would feel, live, love in a way that aligns with your highest self.” But doing xyz requires us to dive into our hearts. It requires that we look deep into how we may have caused some of the damage done. It requires that we may have to forgive people that have harmed us AND that we have to forgive ourselves. It is NOT the easy way. The easy way is living in a delusion that if you pad your life with spiritual self-help books and “play the role” that God/Goddess is just going to blast you with miracle juice one day and you will then be “one of the chosen and special”- because dammit your life has been so hard and you deserve it!!!!

I have a spiritual library and I sit in ceremonies and I light the candles and I pray my beautiful heart out. But, I have learned that until you are willing to hear the daily guidance- really the answers to those prayers you cast out- and act on them, then all the woolandia (it’s a place I promise) magic in the world is in vain. Now, I say that the path of avoidance is the easy way, and it is because it keeps you safe and numb and in a box where nothing can get in. It is easy until your guides and angels that you cast your prayers to give up and leave you fishing your way out of a situation that may possibly cost you parts of your life- or your body…

…“Rest your sweet body, let go, slow down, love yourself, you know you don’t have to eat that, you can stop anytime, trust your body, you know how to do this”. These were the messages from my angels and from my own inner wisdom self that have played in the background of fear’s louder, stronger chorus of self- defeating chatter. The chatter born out of abuse from parents and peers and the voices you create yourself to shut down your light and your love so that it can no longer be attacked.

But the thing about light and love is that they want to manifest and multiply and self-actualize in every living organism on Earth- it is the essence of creation. (hang with me here) The more you shut down your/this divine essence and the more you let fear do the driving, the more difficult it is for the creationary forces of divine love to get in and help you. But, they will find a way even if they have to break you open with disease and dysfunction so that you can slow down enough to pay attention. Unfortunately, our society does not look at spiritual/emotional imbalance as a root cause of most disease and dysfunction- but that is a discussion for another day.

My Story

I have always heard my angels but the destructive thought forms that drove me deep into self-abuse and addictions controlled my daily life. I was buried in a battle with food and self-love for more than 2 decades that almost took my physical life. I lost jobs, friends, opportunities and time kept slipping by.

The most despairing part of the darkest moments is that I could sense my divine essence crying out trying to save me. I knew that the Universe needed my light, love and unique gift (that we all have) but I still could not find the strength to call my will back and shine through. Instead I buried myself in exercise despite my exhausted and depleted body. I spent my every day managing my thought forms so I would not spiral into sabotage and end up with my head in a toilet bowl even though I most always would. And then…

…It was 2011. I lost my job of 14 years 3 months after moving to NYC for my company. Shocked and stripped bare of the only stability I had known I felt a great force rise up in me- my angel screaming in my ear “if you don’t pull yourself out of this darkness you will die”. I made a commitment then- no matter how much money or time it took I was going to get help and find my way back to LOVE.

Immediately it seemed I just stopped the addictive and abusive behaviors with food. But, I knew that was just the surface projection of the deeper issues. I knew that the real work was in allowing my body, my spirit and my heart to dance together in trust. I still had HA, I was still exhausted and I was still exercising to quiet the dark thought forms that still were ruling my days. I knew that it would be my actual body that would be taken through some transformation if I didn’t listen and address this next layer of healing.

So here I currently sit one week out of a major hip surgery. As I said, I knew this day was coming. I sit here in complete awe at how guided I am and a heart bursting with gratitude. I know to my bones- especially my sweet left femur- that there is no accident in how I arrived at a hip replacement at 38 years old. I know that my angels needed to slow me down so that my light could shine, so that my gifts could unfurl into the Universe and so that I could truly learn self-love and patience. I know that this part of me sacrificed itself so that all of those thought forms and ways of being that were killing my spirit could be taken with it as it was removed from my body. I know that this is a gift- maybe even a sea splitting miracle. But it came from some deep inner work and listening to the faint song of my angels over the chatter of fear- as true miracles only can.

The inner work of self-love is not for the faint of heart but it is the only work worth doing- I truly believe this is the ultimate human test and why we are here- to unravel the programmed voices of trauma and society and find our way back into ourselves and our divine light. My only words of wisdom are that if your perfectly constructed and brilliant body cries out in pain, dis-ease and dysfunction do not fight yourself. Listen close because I know you know what it is trying to say. Don’t follow the voice of fear too long or your angels just might break your leg so that you have to walk a new way.

Thank you for reading and letting me share a personal journey. Please reach out if you have a story to share or just want to connect. I am here.

Learn to Listen to Your Gut

A *Wolf in Spirit’s Clothing

Human Spirit

I met Jillian through my journey in studying Mayan abdominal massage and spiritual healing with Dr. Rosita Arvigo. In February 2013 we both travelled to Belize for a 7 day spiritual healing training with Dr. Arvigo at her home on San Ignacio. Immersed in the jungle with women from all around the globe we learned of spiritual illness and ways to invoke plant spirits and prayer to address the afflictions. We connected deeply to the plants that swirled around us clearing, igniting vision, sparking insight and illuminating our highest self and our own divine capacity to heal. Tune in, listen to your heart, sit with nature, whisper your intentions and let go- this was the deeper learning to carry away.

The week flowed into some further travels for me through Central America. I was blessed to have Jillian join me for a bit of my Guatemala adventures. We first visited the incredible site of Tikal and then headed toward Lago de Atitlan. Before even arriving we knew that the lake held a lot of ancient mystery and power. It was a vortex of energy and “healers” flocked from all corners. As we walked the narrow dirt alleys there were signs everywhere for ceremonies, healing rituals and the promise of transformation. Jillian felt a pull toward a sign of Ix Chel (the Mayan Goddess of Fertility). We walked through a gate to meet a very wound up British woman who was the wife of the Shaman who performed the healing services advertised. She explained his deep connection to the Maya spirits and how he is part of long line of indigenous Mayan Shamans. Jillian decided she wanted to experience his work and I decided I was going to have him guide me up the volcano (his side job) a few days later.

He then appeared as we were about to depart and it was as if the air stilled. Something in me felt uneasy and a bit dark. I brushed it off as, after all, he is this “all mighty healer”- not another thought. The next afternoon Jillian went to her session and I explored. As I walked through the gate later to pick her up something ill spiraled through my gut and I looked into the treatment room as he raised his head- something was wrong. Moments later Jillian appeared- out of body and silent. I took her to a private sweat hut to relax and as she sat naked in my arms she began to cry and tremble. He had violated her beautiful, sweet body as he filled her head with lies about how she carries darkness in her deep private places and he was there to heal them; that she must let him in if she wants to let go. She told me that she tried so hard to stop him but there was a dark energy that stole her voice and held her down. She was upset with herself and revealed that before her session something told her not to go but she, like me, also allowed her true wisdom self to be silenced.

Deep down in both of us we knew there was a lesson and a great healing to be foraged from this dark plague that affects so many women- and men. We called on the beauty and strength of the teachings and ceremonies we had just been initiated into with Dr. Rosita. Jillian in her fierce Earth mama beauty went back through that gate and harvested some plants from his land- she then did a healing ritual on herself to release the pain and overshadowing energy. As well, she had to reclaim her voice and thus we reported him to the community. We prayed, we sang and we cried- we healed with the very tools that no one can ever grant us- our own divine light and connection to spirit.

There are many layers to this story to peel back and examine that can dive deep into patriarchy, injustice and the disease of sexual abuse. But I want to illuminate the stigma of (mostly women) giving away our power and our light. We are in a critical time- and a very transformative time of so many being called into service to spirit; so many in the search for a cure to the internal struggles on the conscious path. And, as the light demands to shine there will be those who walk the dark path waiting prey in the shadows to feed on yours and take advantage of the eager and open soul.

The lesson was so clear, especially after our week in Belize, in listening to self and connecting to our own spirit guides. Jillian knew- and I knew- and we were in some way comforted with the aspect of the deeper learning for all. There is not a Shaman, Priestess, Elder or plant spirit that can “fix you”. They can only hold a candle to reflect the light you already possess. They can only help unlock your internal compass and open the channel of divine guidance that is woven into your bones. I feel we are sometimes in such a hurry to fill our “spiritual resume” that in haste we override what serves our greatest good and therefore the greatest good of all. No one should fall victim to abuse. And, learning to hear and honor your own inner healer can begin to punch holes in the dark to see through to the truth.

In the words of my beloved teacher Dr. Rosita Arvigo~

“We do not cure disease, we simply remove the obstructions and deterrents to Nature’s healing force”

~Jillian is a wise sister, a fierce spirit and a brilliant healer. You can find her here and see her amazing work with the Yoni Jade Egg and her many gifts. (Love you Jillian).~

(*Disclaimer- the title is a play on words from a “Wolf in sheep’s clothing”. Wolf medicine is magic, revered and respected. I hold deep love for those who walk with that spirit and in no way meant disrespect to the beloved wolf.)

Breathwork Healing~ The Original Medicine

SESSIONS CAN BE DONE VIA SKYPE AND ARE VERY POWERFUL IN THE SPACE OF YOUR OWN HOME

“F” is for Female~Fear~Fertility~Failure

Giving ED a Rubdown

Giving ED a Rubdown (written in 2012)

Don’t Fight Your Fibroids

When Your Angels Break Your Leg

What do I mean by guidance?

My Story

A *Wolf in Spirit’s Clothing

Past Essays and Stories About this Human Life

Are Psychedelics a Bypass?

Unconditional Love

The Medicine is Always With You

Words from the past.