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The darkness grows upon us as the cold calls us to stay close to ourselves- to be intimate with the interiority rather than the conditioned constancy of external doing.   Quietude falls all around beckoning the heart song to fill the empty auditorium of our dreams.

Our dreams empty of their song when we ignore the all-knowing voice within the heart.  The one who whispers direction to the places where we “know we can be in better relationship” to ourselves, with our close people, with our communities and our beloved EARTH.   The darkness ensues as attack rather than invitation to reflect what nature is gifting at this and all times- when we continue to ignore our heart and thus shut down the real conversations within and around us. [Read more…] about Winter’s Tool Kit for what Lurks in the Dark

Because trauma almost invariably involves not being seen, not being mirrored, and being taken into account, treatment needs to reactivate the capacity to safely mirror, and be mirrored, by others…”
~ Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D- ‘The Body Keeps the Score’

I apologize for opening with  trauma.  However, your less than self -loving thoughts and behaviors did not manifest from your beautiful imagination.  If your imagination was damaged and now takes you on adventures into places so dark and isolating that you suffer in silence- feeling removed from all that you see around you- then the loving and creative inner child was hijacked by confusions and fears- aka trauma.

One of the most damaging confusions these traumas leave imprinted upon us is the feeling of being separate, alone, bad, unloveable etc etc.  Most of us share these thoughts from time to time but deeper wounding often also creates physical isolation.  These patterns can be heartbreaking when the soul inside likely craves connection, exhilaration, community, laughter and play.  Our creative processes are also hijacked as creativity most always involves sharing and being seen for these wildly loving and expressive parts of us.

Still, undercurrents of confusion washed aside, we move through our lives and even make great strides.  The self- reflections and healing work begin to poke light holes in the story built on hollow ground.  However these healing journeys-deeply profound-are mainly of the solitary soldier and there is still a mind shaft of darkness that you trip into.  It’s not your fault- it is faulty trip wiring..

Enter Mirror Neurons

Mirror neurons reside in the  frontal lobe of the brain and were discovered in 1994 by Italian Scientists- identifying the frontal lobe as the seat of empathy.  Until that point (unless we consider mimesis- and we should) imitation of others and other things, synchrony, language and empathy were a bit unexplainable.
Through mirror neurons we are able to attune to other’s emotions, motives and energies and  thus respond.  When what we see is fearful and unaccepting of who we are,  we react by either adopting this behavior upon first ourselves, and eventually others, or we have enough wisdom wires from a more positive and un-traumatized life to not mimic these behaviors.

(I want to insert that traumas come in many forms and at many stages in your life.  Just because you had a beautiful childhood I do not imply that you do not hold these same disturbances within you.  And- there are those that are wired with such grounding rods of light that, even as children, something in them was able to discern and deflect destruction around them.  I am speaking from common and personal experience).

Like most developmental experiences these mirror neurons are vital in our formative years for being wired with self acceptance and discernment of who we want influencing our lives.  And, like most all experiences in life we tend to hold onto, and are impacted by, the more negative and painful events.  We are wired this way for good reason- so that the body can know how to respond in the face of real danger.  Yet when those dangers come from a person or environment we are supposed to be nurtured by, the wires get crossed and confused.

Also very worth correlating is that- as the mind takes in what it sees and articulates it through the body.  Thus, rejection and fear contract the body causing many of the physical imbalances (especially digestive) that we see prevalent today.

I invite you at this point to take a deep breath into your loving heart if this touches into some wounds- which I promise make you beautiful.  

How to Heal~  a workshop, and a prayer…

“Our culture teaches us to focus on personal uniqueness, but at a deeper level we barely exist as individual organisms. Our brains are built to help us function as members of a tribe”~ B Van Der Kolk, M.D

Engaging with life and community  is a step.  But, social engagement with discernment is where the work of self love begins.  Groups that reinforce your faulty wiring may feel good for a time- as acceptance on any level can feel good to trauma.  However negativity mirrors negativity.

The part of mirroring and healing these neurons that is challenging is that you now have to parent yourself into making decisions to show up to groups that can support you- and all of your loving parts- and reflect the basic goodness of all life despite the shared pain we all have.  And thus you mirror the same to them and allow that basic goodness to flow through you… reciprocity…  

A prayer and practice- this can be done anytime with the cycles of the Moon- or a Tree or Flower or…

To Be Seen in Silence~ A workshop to take this healing deep.

As a Maya Abdominal Practitioner, and teacher of the wise ways of the womb, I encounter many reproductive pathologies and imbalances in my female clients.  Some of the  most challenging cases of dis-ease I see on a semi regular basis are the ones involving endometriosis.  It is a painful web that literally wraps itself through the body, the heart and spirit of the woman suffering.  It is confusing as the spinster of this mesh of adhesions and constrictions is almost impossible to detect.   It is heart breaking as it seems to strip women of feeling a sense of intuition with their bodies due to the lack of answers.  It can be dream shattering when it comes to the Mother within wanting to be expressed.  Where does it come from? What triggers it?  How do we get out of this web? I hear them cry.

I was inspired to write this informative and emotional  piece as one of my clients has become an amazing advocate for women who suffer from endometriosis. I have witnessed her and assisted her body through 2 surgeries and the layered emotional cocoon that she has broken free of- mostly.  I say mostly because she is very well aware that a mystery illness like endometriosis needs impeccable care and attention to not let the mystery become a story of entrapment.  Her name is Heidi- she is an inspiration and an example of knowing her body is her greatest teacher.  She embodies the truth that the only way to unravel these webs is to go deep within, get all of the information you can, trust your heart and cry it out and continue to believe in the flow of life to move miracles into the spaces we create- when we go deep within and clear out the emotional and physical clutter that congests and confuses the body.

Seven months ago I was recovering from a major #endometriosis surgery and today I did this. I wasn’t sure if I’d ever do another half marathon, or run any distance for that matter so I’m incredibly grateful for all the surgical, naturopathic, therapeutic, and personal support I had to rebuild my body and soul. ~ Heidi

I am not so much writing this to inform you on what endometriosis is but to bring you to a place of empowerment within your own body around this and all dis-ease.  However…

known as Sampson’s theory). Current thinking no longer supports this exactly; it seems perhaps endo might be it’s own separate tissue, possibly laid down in utero or possibly transformed (metaplasia theory) sometime during a woman’s lifetime by genetic or environmental factors or immune factors… More research is definitely needed, but most current advocates and many surgeons consider this one of many theories instead of the root cause.

For those who are not familiar, Endometriosis is a condition where endometrial type tissue is found outside of the uterus. This misplaced tissue releases blood and inflammation into the pelvic cavity, and in many cases, other parts of the body in rhythm with the menstrual flow each month. Because of the relationship to the increased pain during menses the original theory was that endometriosis is ‘leaking’ endothelial cells from the womb (known as Sampson’s theory).  But, in Heidi’s research and work with this disease it appears that current thinking no longer supports this exactly; it seems perhaps endo might be it’s own separate tissue, possibly laid down in utero or possibly transformed (metaplasia theory) sometime during a woman’s lifetime by genetic or environmental factors or immune factors… More research is definitely needed, but most current advocates and many surgeons consider this one of many theories instead of the root cause.

The main symptoms are intense pelvic pain and swelling with the menstrual cycle that have no other explanation.  This pain can eventually last all month and show up in other parts of the body as adhesions become more problematic.  Other symptoms:  Pain with intercourse, fertility challenges, urinary and digestive issues, excessive and clotty menstrual flow.  Not all of these symptoms have to be present.  The one major thing to note, again, is that there is an unknown component.

Endometriosis is directly linked to hormonal surges tied into the immune system and inflammatory conditions.  However, it is unfortunately not as simple as naturally balancing the hormones since there is this undercurrent of imbalance in the immune system that does seem to have any clear path.   There are many theories as to why it exists but they are speculations at best.  And, from what I  have witnessed in my treatment of so many is that looking for an answer to “why” perpetuates the inflammatory cycle.  Inflammation responds to many factors including emotion.  I will also note here that some of the myths around what causes endometriosis- like having sex on your period- should be ignored as many of them leave the woman with feelings of undue guilt and fear.

The other big mystery piece is in the detection of endometriosis.  It does not clearly show up on your typical picture scans. This leaves laparoscopic imaging as the only option for clear diagnosis.  Even then, if you don’t have a wicked smart doctor who knows this disease well  they can miss some of the big areas in the body that the endometrial tissue has imbedded itself.

So what do women do when these symptoms rise and they have not yet been diagnosed?  What do women do when they have been diagnosed? What does the path to END-ometriosis look like?

I really wish I had a clear endometriosis protocol (I’d be famous).  I wish I could sing it all away as I hold the hands and wombs of my clients- which does help.  However,  I do have a path that I feel all women should follow when it comes to this disease and any disease in their body.

First,  get all of the information you can.  And with respect to endometriosis understand how it lives and breathes in your body- and LISTEN.  We know it responds to inflammation.  We know it responds to hormones.  So, reducing the factors that create hormone imbalances and inflammations in general will help immensely.  Get your blood and saliva tests and see where your hormones levels are at and act to ally them in healing.  Talk to practitioners, talk to other women, talk to surgeons- get information!  Without information you compile fears and feel like a victim of “no options”.  With information you can begin to balance your body making the decision more clear around if  to get diagnosed (if you have not) or have surgery.

Also, often times hormone replacement therapies can be life changing but should NOT be your first stop.  I am an advocate of HRTs in cases like this when all other avenues have been explored.  A band aid on an oozing wound without cleaning it out first is kind of what birth control has become.  Lets administer hormone altering therapies once the body has been as balanced as possible- then you’re truly in the know.

Next, set up a team of support.   Your self care is vital to the release of the emotions that will come through you as you address this disease.   You do not have to hold this alone.  And, as mentioned, trapped emotions create a back up of stress in the body- which is really the root cause of all disease.  Abdominal massage therapies, in particular the Maya Abdominal Therapies as they address the emotional womb body so beautifully, are very helpful.   Acupuncture for balance and group dance (my go to) to bring movement and community together in your life.  Make time to spend with Nature and tell her your woes- she will listen and carry them away.  Whatever makes your heart and body sing- do it.

Then, call in your herbal allies to support all of this opening.  The plant world responds to  your commitment to balance as it’s greatest desire is to actualize in love.  Herbs in this case may not “cure” but they can open the pathways to heal and help your entire system find better alignment.  Pelvic decongestants, diaphoretics, adaptogens, alteratives, lymphogogues and diuretics are very helpful.  Please consult an herbalist or email me and we can discuss what is best for your body.

And- you KNOW how to be an ally to yourself.  It begins with radical self love.

I have included info below from Heidi.  You can turn disease into a discovery of self.

There are so many great resources I can share, mostly grassroots as we’re still light years away from a systematic medical and research approach. I’ll provide links to some of my current favorite advocacy groups from around the world, mostly formed by other women with endo and most of whom I had the pleasure of meeting at the World Congress on Endo last month.- Heidi

• Endometriosis Research Center- Seattle chapter  https://seattleendo.org/
• Endo What? A great documentary that came out last year by the incredible Shannon Cohn and team. Forthcoming documentary is on Endo and the social justice issues surrounding why it’s so poorly diagnosed, etc. https://www.endowhat.com/
• Endometriosis Australia https://www.endometriosisaustralia.org/
• The Endometriosis Network Canada http://endometriosisnetwork.com/
• Endometriosis Association of Ireland http://www.endometriosis.ie/
• Pacific Endometriosis and Pelvic Pain (Dr. M and Beth her kick ass nurse practitioner) http://pacificendometriosis.com/
• This group of surgeons is in Atlanta, GA but they are the best in the business and many women fly from around the world to receive surgery from this team. Also, the director (Heather Guidone) was my co-author for the poster I presented at the World Congress last month and she is an amazing advocate. http://centerforendo.com/#home-1