It is not an error that you have been born
a sensitive human being,
with a tender nervous system
and a heart that is sometimes broken.
Your vulnerability is not a mistake,
but a portal back into life,
into a world that has forgotten
how to dream
Do your desires fall short of the horizon? Do your connections and presence with others waiver. Maybe you feel a mechanism wanting to orient you solidly on the Earth beneath your feet to walk in service. And a soul calling you forward but there is a fleeting quality when you get close enough to even begin articulating the contract…
We all know those people. The ones who light up a room when they walk in. The ones you naturally feel more calm and centered around. The ones that leave you a little more inspired and aware. Their service has a grace + alacrity to it.
What is palpably different about these individuals? Is it some mastery over themselves that allows for a steady flow of goodness to emanate from their being?
Outside of the necessary devotion to self, mindfulness and meditation, what if I told you that mechanistically their system does hold a stronger vibration designed to naturally uplift not only themselves but others.
What if I told you that to be of service to others, and a walking healing force of Life, there is a core physiological component designed to support your gifts and stability. And possibly all you have to do is re establish it’s natural rhythm within yourself to “be of service”- wouldn’t that be a relief from all of the seeking and self deflating desires that you cannot seem to reach no matter how hard you try?!
The Nervous System
I just finished an intensive training with the Somatic Experiencing Trauma Institute. As a devoted architect of the human body + spirit + soul, I hold at the foundation of my work a hypothesis- that until the trauma signals in the body are released and recoded from within our nervous system, we are likely to continue attracting trauma reinforcements into our life through continued illness, emotional imbalance and challenging external conditions.
These are symptoms of trauma called re -enactment; a process where life continues to seek the release of the pre existing trauma through continued re- enactments of traumatic scenarios. There are, of course, many nuances to this re-enactment and why it happens. A common example of this is the hundreds of female clients I see who aloofly say “well, I have such and such womb ailment- like my mother and grandmother”. Or, continued “bad luck”.
The drive to complete and heal trauma is as powerful and tenacious as the symptoms it creates. Peter A. Levine – “Waking the Tiger”
Ancestral trauma and pathologies, mystery disease, patriarchal structures and oppression, in my personal research and witness, can all be linked to trauma running a program in not only our physical operating system but also our energetic soul system. To only address the physical body is an irresponsible bypass of the expansive and brave work it takes to address all systems.
If you are a non believer in anything other than what you can physically see- then let’s start there. What is physically happening in your life that, no matter what path you follow, has not shifted in its form? I invite you to pay attention- closely. Look for the patterns. Allow yourself the self- loving and self- respecting gift of looking through a new lens- despite your fear and pre conditioned aporias.
Why Me? And How?
There are few who are born with a high functioning nervous system which is why the endless seeking, meditations and multi layered self-care ways we “pick ourselves up” and manage our symptoms with every day is not just good self love but, for most of us necessary. These are beautiful and heartfelt, healing practices but if they are propping you up rather than moving you forward in life- if there is still an itch that cannot be reached- then the answer may likely lie within the intricate and multi- dimensional memory banks of the nervous system.
Ancestral patterns, pre -natal and birth traumas can greatly influence our young and tender systems. And, if born into situations that do not cultivate the soul it can be an uphill battle for our system’s ability to take positive charge and swing in rhythm with Life. That uphill trudge can eventually deplete our nervous system and invite in the varieties of mystery disease and mental disorders our society and modern medical system is labeling many with.
If you are having a visceral response when contemplating these words – that’s your nervous system. That is the first step in learning how to heal your own system- learning how to pay attention to and decipher the felt senses that are always in communion with your highest good. We are designed to self regulate. We just need to unlock the potential by clearing the pathways that are often frozen and on lock down from fear in our human minds that froze the trauma in the first place.
I have worked with hundreds of people on this path of unanswered questions around why nothing works at getting into the spaces that are really calling for help. I have worked on this myself most all of my life- I still do. I have sat with sentient beings and circled in ceremonies. I have travelled far into the promise lands. I have healed many soul threatening ailments within myself but there was always something unanswered and unaddressed. Until I followed another Yes in my life into learning the deeper architecture of how and why I feel I am still wired with trauma.
A Yes that guided me to finding a bridge between all of the worlds of healing I will now weave together and that reinforce my hypothesis- That it IS through the body that we heal, learn to listen and invite Life back into flow again.
The Somatic Experiencing work reorganized something within me, something I don’t even need to necessarily know about. That is the genius of the body + psyche + nervous system. Unless the memory or trauma being released has a helpful message it is not necessary to burden our already burdened minds and emotions with more information- just let go, trust and let it flow again. I released and stepped into a space where I was more available not just for myself but I was in a space to be with, lift up and service others- simply by my open and oriented presence.
I also have a freshly cleared and compassionate lens to see all of the traumatic events in my life as part of a larger web- as part of a vast and masterful nervous system that societally and individually desires healing- screams for it if you take into account the global state of trauma we are facing. Layer upon layer upon layer……
So before stepping outside of your own beloved boundaries that hold most of the wisdom you need to heal- before stepping out in service to others- just try stepping into the systems of self regulation- and intrinsically also become one who simply walks as one in service to others.